Bleakness encompass me.
Black tears roll down my cheeks.
When will the pain stop?
When will the blood cease?
There is a hope.
I want no more of this light.
It hurts to the core.
I will embrace the night.
Darkness in my heart.
A beating of a different kind.
A savage beast.
It will be me.
A change. A mental wolf.
I am bitten. I will change.
The transformation happens.
I am and always will be darkness.
No relevance to how I actually feel, I just felt compelled to write the word from which my creativity springs from.
well a critique is supposed to be well rounded and give suggestions on what to "fix" as well as complimenting the piece, for this piece it is easy to compliment it is very well done i dont see very much that could be changed except some grammer errors such as, "when will blood the cease?" i think you ment for it to be, when will the blood cease?, i could be wrong i dont know but that is what i think, also, "bleakness encompass me." im not sure if you ment for it to sound like it does or if you ment, bleakness encompasses me., other than that i dont see anything needing fixing. i very much like the imagery and metaphors. i think you put this together very well.
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i love it!!
I love it, I seriously fucking love it!!! Great job!
I going to try harder to write dark pieces more often. It is difficult, especially with as much love as I have in my heart.
I rather like this piece. Personally, I feel poetry should express how one feels, whether in general, or about a specific topic or subject, but that's just me. Either way though, I find this to be a rather well-written piece.
Thanks. It has more to do with the inner duality. Do we feed the beast or soothe it? I opt for soothing the beast. There are very rare times though that I'd like nothing more than to become the beast.